here are some snippets of what I've been writing a few months ago, they are not finished but it shows you a glimpse of my world, and my mind.
Monday, December 19, 2011
I have been more alone than ever ever since I met you. You are no good to me. You make my heart ache without you even knowing it. You are dumb. You do not see what I need. You say a lot of words but who knows what they are for. You make me wait, yearn and cry for you, but who sees that? Nobody knows you. All the things I worry about, thinking I'm not good enough for you. Fearing that I may not be right for you. Thinking maybe it's not your fault after all. What the fuck for? Do I make you a better person than you are? I am making silly perfect pictures of you in my head, aren't I? I just don't ever see fault in you. It is always for something else. You are never wrong. You will keep on saying you're sorry and that you love me but you will never show it. Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. These are empty words you give me for every inch of love I have given you. I really thought I could love you, or maybe I already do. The things I do for you that you will never really see. I wait for you on the sidelines, waiting for you just to appear. So you come and then you go. You have your fun while I wait. I'll watch you play. You are out there with all those out of my circle. I will never fit in your world. We are so different. Where you are the boy who does not need me. I feel like my world has already been narrowed down to you and you only. There is nothing more to me than the inches of my skin devoured and spat out by you. I just wish I wasn't so. I wished every part of my body did not yearn for you, I wished my heart would continue beating without acknowledging your existence. You are no good to me, you know that? All that I've ever done for you, what could you have given me back? All there ever was, was nothing.