Wednesday, September 28, 2011

what's it to you

我拥有过你 那不是谎言 也许曾经拥有 是某种莫名的幸福 或许我们不再会有拥抱 亲吻 就算每天看着你和另个她 过着你们幸福的日子 我也不想忘记我们那个时光 分开后 想念就是犯贱吗? 为什么 我从来没想过要分开 难道我真的是傻瓜? 我为你哭过的 都是傻瓜的眼泪吗? 现在的你活在哪个世界 我真的不想知道 不过心里的隐痛 是抵挡不住 我很爱过 我知道 爱的是多 可是痛的更多 真的很痛 到现在也是 为什么就是放不开你?

Friday, September 23, 2011

*


Take me to heaven and keep me there
I am so scared that all hell has fallen loose
and I am the devil's child
but so much will not be right
when I am not the heart of light
I can only be a wanderer
that stays here
Mid-heaven
Mid-hell

Stuck in my body
Much too human
I didn't want to be a myth
Nor a monster

But
Where
Is
My
Mind?

Sunday, September 18, 2011

I don't know what's wrong with me

My body is reacting very weirdly to my ongoing depression. I feel as if I am sick but I am not. I am crying in days and nights for no reason or for everything. My head hurts and I feel like I'll pass out if I stand up too fast. The people around me has walked ahead and left me here. I am stuck with my own body clock, and it is not ticking. I am in a vacuum of sadness as if I were dead in a state I could no longer alter. Recovery is unnecessary because I am not really sick, but then not entirely healthy. There are a thousand words I wish to express within but I am so small, oh what little I know to describe how I feel.

Excerpt: 15th September 2011 (22:18:01)
I feel like my heart will overflow, with words I cannot speak. For I am a coward, the lack of bravery to confess in my heart a million secrets, locked ten feet under with a swallowed key.

Still sick

Went to see my doctor last week, diagnosed with sinusitis. Came back with a week's worth of antibiotics and ended up with another sore throat. It just feels like I'm never gonna recover. I'm just gonna be sick and sick and sick until I die.